How to masturbate: a practical guide

For a vulva

External stimulation of the clitoris — the small, nerve-dense area at the top of the vulva — is where most people start, and where most orgasms actually come from, more so than internal penetration alone. Circular motion, side-to-side motion, and varying pressure are all worth experimenting with rather than assuming one technique is "correct" — what works varies a lot between people and even between sessions. A mirror can help early on simply to learn the anatomy by sight rather than touch alone; for the fuller picture of what's actually there (most of the clitoris is internal), see our complete clitoris anatomy guide. Combining external clitoral touch with internal penetration (fingers or a toy) works for some people and does nothing for others — neither is more "normal." Lubricant reduces friction-related irritation regardless of natural wetness, and it's worth using proactively rather than only when something already feels uncomfortable.

Most of this technique translates directly to a partner touching you, not just solo — see our guide to fingering a partner for the partnered version of the same fundamentals.

For a penis

Grip firmness, speed, and where along the shaft the focus is all vary by preference — a lighter grip with more speed works for some people, a firmer grip with less speed works for others, and it's genuinely worth experimenting rather than sticking with the first technique that worked once. Lubricant matters here too, more than people expect — dry friction is the most common cause of irritation, and a small amount of lube changes the sensation noticeably. If you're uncircumcised, foreskin movement is often part of the technique itself rather than something to work around. Edging — stopping or easing off right before orgasm and letting arousal drop slightly before continuing — is a technique some people use to intensify the eventual orgasm; our edging guide covers it in more depth if you want to try it deliberately rather than by accident. The same fundamentals apply when a partner is doing the touching — see our hand job guide for the partnered version.

Common myths worth dropping

• "It's harmful." No — there's no evidence it causes physical harm at any frequency for most people.
• "There's a normal frequency." No universal number exists. It's only worth examining if it's interfering with daily responsibilities, not simply because it happens often.
• "It reduces desire for partnered sex." Not in any lasting way for most people — some people notice a short-term difference in sensitivity and choose to plan around it, which is a personal preference, not a rule.

How common is this, actually? (Canadian data)

The most detailed Canadian numbers on this come from the 2019 Trojan/SIECCAN Sexual Health of Canadian University Students Study — a survey of 1,500 Canadian university students ages 18–24, designed by researchers at SIECCAN and the University of Guelph and conducted by Leger.

A separate 2016 Trojan/SIECCAN study of 2,400 Canadians ages 40–59 — a different population from the university students above — found a similar gender gap holds up at midlife too.

Masturbation doesn't stop once someone's partnered, either — a separate 2025 Leger survey found 37% of sexually active Canadians in committed relationships masturbate always or often, right alongside their partnered sex life rather than instead of it.

See all our verified Canadian sex-research stats →

When a toy actually helps

A toy isn't a replacement for technique so much as an addition to it — a bullet vibrator or similar external toy (our bullet vibrator guide covers the basics) adds a type of stimulation manual touch alone doesn't fully replicate for a lot of people, and automated stroker devices do something similar for a penis. If you're new to toys generally, our beginner's guide to toys covers material and budget basics before the technique question even comes up.